There are many things that I want to write to y’all in regards to the last two months on the Race, but I believe what I am about to write to you is going to be freeing for me and beneficial to you. Whether you are an Alumni, current or future World Racer, I hope that you can be encouraged by this. If you are a friend, family member or acquaintance, the same goes for you.
I want to let you know that this blog would be considered “heavy” but it is written out of peace and joy. This isn’t a “How To” guide on dealing with losing a family member while on the field. It is just a personal experience that I believe will encourage others if they, God forbid, have to work through the same circumstances.
Feedback is welcome.
On Friday, January 11, 2019 at 7:47pm I opened a text message from my Mom asking me to pray for my cousin, Melody, because she had been in a car accident and was admitted into the ICU. I prayed immediately after I read that message and asked the Lord to put His hands on Mel’s body, heal her and the same for anyone else involved in the accident. Quickly after these words parted my lips, I knew in my heart that Mel didn’t make it but I tried to convince myself that I was just being fearful. Now, my mom sent that text message two hours before I had opened it and because I am in Vietnam, there is a fourteen hour time difference between her and I. The initial text message was sent to me at 3:00am (Arizona Time) and when I called my mom to figure out what was going on, it was about 5:30 in the morning (Vietnam Time).
When I called my mom answered the phone and I asked how Mel was doing and what the extent of her injuries were. She told me to, “wait a minute” and then walked out of what looked like a waiting room. (We were on FaceTime) As soon as she got to where she was going, she looked at me and said, “Honey, she didn’t make it”.
To be completely transparent, I lost it. I couldn’t say anything other than, “no”. I screamed, I wailed, fell to the ground and buried my forehead into it. It felt like I took a blow to my chest and stomach. I didn’t know what else to do, other than cry and yell. This was probably the most dramatic reaction I’ve ever had, I am embarrassed to admit that I was blubbering but, it is the truth and that is exactly what I am going to be sharing with you today. Also, Melody is not just a cousin that I only saw on the holidays or at a family party; Mel grew up with my brother and I. I picked her up for church, coffee runs, mall dates, trips to Grams house. I answered the angry, heart broken and confused phone calls. I walked down the board walk to get ice cream and rode the Giant Dipper Roller Coaster at Belmont Park with her. She was not just my cousin, she was my littler sister and losing her freaking sucks.
Anyway, after all of that jazz, I couldn’t help but just sit and feel. I can’t quite pin point every emotion but I know that I felt all of them except for one. The only emotion that I did not feel was anger. Not once did I find myself mad at God, which is strange because anger is normally the emotion that is the first and easiest for me to feel. Instead of getting mad, I was still and the best part of that stillness, was the two choices that I had in front of me:
1. I can sit here, sulk and sob
or
2. I can choose to let The Lord work, with me, through my heart ache and begin to do something about it.
Although those options were before me, I had already made my decision. My decision to invite God into it. This was very easy for me to choose and here is why:
I am reminded in these scriptures, how good and faithful God is.
Romans 5:3 says:
“…we REJOICE in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Psalm 30:5
“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
and Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Literally, God’s got me. I believe that the pain and suffering I endure will produce good fruit. I know joy comes in the morning because I choose it daily. I know that I know, that I know, I will be comforted because no one can give me peace like my Father does and no one knows what I need, like my Father does.
During this time of tragedy, I have peace but just because I have peace, doesn’t mean that I am immune to feeling heart ache. Just because I choose joy, doesn’t mean that I am going to be happy, it means that I choose to have a good attitude about what God allows and what He is doing for my family during this time of sorrow. I know that good will come from all of this, I know that hearts will be changed, I know that seeds will be planted. I know, that I know, that I know.
For anyone who is wondering how I am dealing, this is how. No, I am not okay but I am at peace.
If this is you. If you are mourning a loss. Choose Jesus, lay your feelings at His feet, cling to His word and let Him do what He does best, Lead.
– Mariss
For those of you who read this, please pray for the Miller family. Pray for healing, peace, joy, love and triumph.
People to pray for specifically:
Will Miller
Erica Miller
Cash Miller
Vera Miller
Freida
Don Miller
Patti Miller
Ruby Miller
Paul Miller
Tamra Miller
Austin Miller
Jake Miller
Marissa Morales
Larry McCormick
&
The Miller family as a whole.
– Thank you.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your cousin. Such a tragedy to lose a loved one at such a young age. Heartbroken but at peace….the only explanation is Jesus. Thank you for reflecting the Mighty Power that comes from trusting Jesus. Prayers and Hugs.
I love you marissa. You are one of the strongest people I know, and this just shows how genuine your walk with God is that you can continue with such faith during this time. Can’t wait to hug your neck in a couple weeks.
Real. Raw. Honest. Vulnerable. So so beautiful. All of the things. My love for you, dear Marissa, knows no end. I am so terribly sorry for you and your family’s loss but I am so thankful you have found yourself wrapped in His arms through this unimaginable pain. Sending love and light, can’t wait to get me another Marissa Morales bear hug in a few weeks!
Kyndal, I love you. Thanks for being such a good friend to me and walking alongside my family in prayer. Thanks for reading my blog post.
Mal, thanks for reading my blog, checking on me and loving me through this time. You are so good to me and I am grateful to have you in my corner. I love you
Sister I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so thankful you had Melody in your life and had all those sweet moments that will be lasting memories. You are a strong and powerful woman of God and I’m truly blessed, inspired and in awe of you. I’m praying fiercely for you and the Miller’s. Counting down till I get to see and love on you even harder!
Kait! Thank you for your love and prayers, seriously, they mean so so so much to me. I love you and I cannot wait to see you!
Wow. This gave me the chills. You are a true inspiration. We literally talked about choosing joy on the airplane. Your decision to choose joy in such a time of heartache and pain is a true testimony of your faith in God’s plan. Like I already said, you are such an inspiration. I am praying for all of you. I love you so much!
My sweet friend. I am so incredibly sorry for the tragic passing of your cousin. Everything about that is utterly heartbreaking. You spoke with such strength and boldness. You are truly a beacon of light that the Lord is shining through. I love you and will be praying for your family tonight. I love you, Mama CoCo
Oh my, Marissa, my heart is aching for you and your family. I’m so sorry for this tragic loss. You are handling this with such grace and beauty. Thank you for being such a bright light and pointing others to Jesus during such a difficult time. You are a faithful daughter. I love you, friend.
My prayers and condolences are with you all. My heart morns with you mija. I really don’t have the power to comfort you. But I am fortunate to know that you chose Christ Jesus to do just that. Love you so much. Love Dad ??????????????
Praying for you and your family. I’m so glad that the Lord is giving you peace in the midst of your tragic loss.
Ashry, I love you and thank you for being so sweet to me all of the time.
Hanny, I love you. Thank you for your kind words and encouragements.
Jilly, I love you and thank you for lifting me up!
Thank you so much for praying for us, it’s such a huge help, believe me. I love you!
Yes God is good even in tradegy. Your steadfast faith and witness to Gods love in this time of grief is so powerful, especially that it is coming from someone so young. To choose Joy is a choice but to choose Joy in this tradegy says so much about your deep faith, your maturity, your true heart and mostly your love in our Lord Jesus Christ. May you continue to find peace and comfort during the days ahead. I’m in awe of the beautiful young woman you are and continue to be even in this painful time. My prayers continue to be with you and the Miller family. Once again you bless us!! I love you!
I love you! Thank you for loving me, praying for my family and encouraging me. You are a blessing to me and I am honored to know you!
Wow Riss! This is so raw and real! Thank you so much for sharing where your heart is through this and what the Lord has taught you. I am praying for you and Melody’s family! I love you so much and am so thankful that you have all the sweet memories with your cousin!!!
I love you and thank you for praying for us, we appreciate it. C?n Uait to see you!
I love how genuinely this reflects your heart, Marissa. Your strength and perseverance will be rewarded greatly. Loss hurts. It sucks. It doesn’t make sense. It makes us angry at God, quite simply because we don’t know who else to be mad at. But you’re choosing peace, you’re choosing strength, and you’re choosing the Father. That shows your heart for the Father and what an incredible believer you are. Keep pushing forward, allow yourself times to break down and hurt, but then pick yourself back up and know you are a chosen daughter of the Highest King. I love you and can’t wait to hug your neck.
Mags, thank you. I know, you know, better than anybody else how I feel. To have your support, love and prayers are so appreciated. I love you so much and cannot wait until I see you again.
Thank you for sharing your heart Marissa. Grief is a journey, and God is with you every step of the way. Love you sweet girl! May God continue to bring you peace even in the midst of great sadness.
Love you, sweet sister.
Praying for you and your family – sending you virtual hugs.
Thank you, Jody! I love you!!!
Love ya linds, your hugs are felt and prayers are so appreciated. Thank you
Love you so much Donna, thanks for reading and encouraging me!
So proud of you Marissa! It was hard watching you have to go through this but I am blown away by how you handled it all! You very easily could have been angry with God for taking her away but you have chosen to glorify Him through it instead. Being hit with all the feels at once is frustrating but I am praying that God continues to work through this situation and that you grow even closer to Him. Thanks for trusting me enough to be a part of the shared memories and all the pictures of your sweet cousin. She was lucky to have you in her life. Cherish the memories. You’re absolutely right… Gods got you 🙂 Love you, praying for you, and fighting for you!
Riss, your faith blows me away. I know this was a hard loss for you but I also know you are genuine when you say the Lord has given you peace. Not only does this show a testament of your faith but this post also has the Lord’s heart written all over it! Thank you for inviting all of us into these painful yet real situations you are dealing with. You are an inspiration to many and I know the Lord has given you this platform to help, inspire, and love on others who may encounter the same tragedy. Thank you for being real with us and open with how you find reassurance in Christ. In our weakness He is strong!